I have a serious issue with words and images. They stick with me. Great if one is taking a test, not so great if it's a horror movie and bed. I am extremely cautious about the shows and movies I watch and even the books I read. One of Brian's first "leader of our home" acts was to throw away the book I was reading on our honeymoon- it was giving me nightmares. Sometimes this little quirk is funny. Brian and Michael love to look at me when someone is reminiscing about a moment in time and ask "What were you wearing?" Sad but true, I usually know. Other times, it becomes a tool the devil uses to beat me up over and over again.
I spend alot of time doing jobs that many people think are beneath them. Sometimes I even fall short at those goals. And when the dishes don't get finished, or the kids are acting awful, I hear those voices. "You are a bad mother. You are a bad wife. You are the problem." Long after someone has apologized they are the images that wake me in the night. When I volunteer at school, or clean up poop yet again I hear that voice "Any idiot can wash paint trays." Individuals said them once, but the devil whispers them in my ear repeatedly, so that the seeds of discontentment swell and push forth a garden of weeds yelling back at God and others "Haven't I done enough? You are asking too much. Why doesn't anyone appreciate what I am doing here?" And my pride takes root and it quickly becomes all about me. Like any good gardener, God knows that weeds have to be rooted out and sometimes that is hard. In their place, you have to fill in something good or the weeds will move back. Just as I turn the channel on CSI, and fill the space with a comedy I have to fill my mind with God and reminders that I really haven't been asked to bend so low. That I am barely bending when I should probably be kneeling at the throne of glory.
If you aren't reading www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com begin immediately. She is a wonderful reminder of the call and privilege to bend low.
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