The Search for Normal

Read the following post with a grain of salt. We have just had a rough week between sick kids and a tragic accident between one of our feed truck drivers and a long time member of our church. Eldon will be missed by all. The truck driver is searching for his faith. Please pray for him. I just needed a place to vent.

Years ago I came across the idea of habits and schedules as a way to relieve stress. Emilie Barnes made a career out of teaching people to break household tasks into easy steps and plans that basically took the thought out of each day and made all of these activities a habit. Managers of Their Homes takes this even further. If you have ever seen the brightly colored charts hanging in the Duggar's house, you have met MOTH. MOTH has you schedule yourself and each child in crazy detail. Both are really just using classroom management techniques that have worked for years- playing music to announce cleanup time. Hanging toys on pre marked pegboards. Always sending lunch money in the same folder etc. My latest read, Simple Life, takes yet another look at this. The authors point out that we all have a "normal" setting. The stress and frustration comes when our normal doesn't match our priorities or personal mission statement. They use a wonderful example of Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps has a goal and a vision and makes decisions accordingly. He does not get up every morning stressed out about all he has to do. He gets up, eats like an Olympian, trains like and Olympian and sleeps like an Olympian. He does not seem frustrated because he hasn't also cured cancer and revamped the education system. Come on admit it, some of you like me do a pretty good job of beating ourselves up for not being ultra super woman.

So, what do I do with all of this? We are without a doubt stressed to the max. We keep telling ourselves, it is just for a season, that everyone has moments, but I am tired of our moments. I can't help but think most other people are tired of us too. Everybody wants to feel like they have things hardest or most challenging etc. It's how we deal with the self imposed guilt. But I get sick of just being so needy. We are desperately searching for a new normal and one that fits with our vision and goals, but what if the normal you have can never equal the normal you want?

We have little margin in our lives, but we really are trying to make better decisions. We have given up every outside activity we can for the time. We have Dawn coming every minute she can, but her schedule is also rough this semester. L can't just adjust to another set of hands, so that is not really an option. Sometimes I think we have the same issues as anybody else, we just put them on steroids. Lot of kids have his/her tonsils removed. But, we are dealing with extreme oxygen drops, a huge machine in J's bedroom that delivers the oxygen, and quickly scheduled surgery that means it will be the Wed before H goes to Gatlinburg on Friday and Daytona a week later. We grab scratching and clawing at what we remember of normal and when we fall, still can't seem to wrap our minds around that elusive "new normal". What seems to work best is divide and conquer parenting with Brian going to Gatlinburg with big kids and me going to Daytona. We do this alot and often feel we have given up family unity and support. It breeds alot of "me, me, me"attitudes and resentment towards J and L. It happens everywhere. Because L is pulling out hair and bloodying herself, she tends to get her way in the car. Her movie, her music etc. Angry siblings. I envisioned kids learning to be more compassionate and patient, but once you get bit a few times, you tend to lose desire to help restrain and instead yell, pout and demand you to find L's helmet.

Sometimes that desire for "normal" pushes us to just make bad decisions. Taking L back to Bowling Green after she had already made the trip twice that day. Ridiculous amounts of fast food because it buys a moment of appeasement. Even discussing if J will be well enough to make the Gatlinburg trip. Okay, enough bad day. Sorry, I am on day 4 of an elephant sitting on my chest while I cough and run a fever. I may look back later and realize it was the cough medicine with hydrocodone that was doing the talking here. Where do we go from here? Is there ever a point at which we can look at our life and say "it's not for everyone, but hey it works for us and we are content." Notice I did not say happy, I think they are two different things. I just want to reach a point that like MOTHs or Michael Phelps, I simply move through the day with out feeling like it is an enemy to be conquered.

I have to quit being angry. I have to quit fussing at God. Whatever lesson I am supposed to be learning, I call "Mercy". The teaching method is killing me.

So, what do you do? How do you find a normal that works for all the peoples in your household? Let me sit at your feet and glean wisdom.