So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
2Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG
When I woke up this morning, my first thought on this post was to call it "Private Hell". After reading my devotional, I have a slightly different outlook. Plain and simply, L has had a really rough week. She is literally bloody and battle scarred. Her hands and arms are covered with bite marks and bruises. Brian and I both have marks on our necks and shoulders from twisting pinches and B has a welt from a bite that L could not release. She was so out of control yesterday at Vandy that one therapist cried and the other went for backup to observe L. No one knows what to do. The CP specialist and the neurologist are consulting on meds and the OT is researching clinics that deal specifically with self abuse. As we drove home yesterday, I watched in the rearview mirror as L screamed and arched her back against the seatbelt and pulled hair and rebloodied the ear that we can not get to heal. I couldn't help but think this must be what Frank Perretti is describing in his books about demon possesion. Some vice like grip has control over her mind and body making her oblivious to the pain she in inflicting upon herself and unable to be comforted by anyone or anything. It is as if she is locked in some room screaming for help, fighting off the evil captors. Only the locked room is her own mind and the captors she is fighting, the very people who love and cherish her. As hard as this is on us to watch her, I am sure it doesn't touch the pain she is enduring.
I have to admit I went to bed and wokeup emotionally exhausted and simply beaten down. I recently gave up more indepth Bible studies for a time because they had become just another pressure instead of quality time with God that was often rushed or simply put off. I did pick up a devotional book by Jennifer Rothschild. At this time it has proved the better choice as each entry is the small nugget of truth or wisdom I need to get through the day and can squeeze into few minute segments. Today's devotion was about a little girl born in another country without arms or legs. It told of her mother's struggle to adopt her and of her daily "walk" of faith and the lives she impacts from her story and actions. Thanks God for the always perfect timing. It is a fact that at this time in our lives we are fighting a battle as never before. It is harder than I ever anticipated and I need a lot less me and a lot more God. Medicine and therapy may not be bringing these walls down. It is time to gather our armies and march around the walls blowing our trumpets and shouting for joy. He is still the Mighty Messiah who manifests miracles.
We will not give up.
2 comments:
You all are in our prayers!
Dear Friends,I had no idea the torment you all have been going through. I do not usually tell anyone what I am about to tell you, but in the spirit of Isaiah 35:3, "Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble,(tottering knees)," I feel that I have been allowed to share that I will be fasting Monday and Tuesday for L. As I fast, I want you to know that I am specifically praying Isaiah 58 over her. Isaiah 58:6b,"To undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the opressed go free, and break every yoke."
IS.58:8,"Then your light will break forth like the dawn,and your recovery will speedily spring forth;...The glory of the Lord will be your rear guard." Is 58:11,"And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones;and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." I love you all.
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