Camp 2010

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10

I long ago realized that camp was far more about me than any child I ever took.  Camp just seems like a place that God is closer, or at least easier to hear from.  I come from a family history of camp.  I remember my aunts heading off to Burnumwood for weeks at a time.  I was part of the long drives to get them long before I was old enough to go myself.  I couldn’t wait for that first weekend as a camper.  What a place it was.  I heard songs never sung at my church and for the first time read from something other than a KJV Bible.  For years I thought they were the only place with Bibles in common English.  I loved reading those hard backed books!  This was the first place I ever had a quiet time, sang a praise chorus, or saw drama in worship.  We played capture the flag, looked at stars, and slept outside without a tent.

When my girls got old enough I started looking for the same experience.  Secular camps are not the same and too often, church “camps” have become more like conferences than an old fashioned checkout from technology, meet with nature events.  Sure there is a place for these, but I wanted to make sure they didn’t miss out on what was so great about my camp experience.  Thank you Cedarmore.  Cedarmore is set in the woods with gravel walks and log cabins filled with bunk beds.  The dining hall has a slamming screen door and hot water is a valuable commodity.  The schedule is full but leaves plenty of room for singing on the hill, doing hair, and playing outside.  I love that it is all girls because it can be girl empowering without being beat the boys.  My favorite part is always the missionaries.  MIllie Reule and Deborah Cortner planted a love of missions that has never gone away.  I am completely taken with God’s work through ordinary people sold out to His plan. 

This year the missionaries were from a middle east country that has every material item you could want but is almost entirely Muslim.  It is in fact, not legal for them to be there as missionaries.  She (won’t mention names for safety reasons) taught the daily adult Bible study.  It was awesome.  She began each day by having a few people share testimonies.  The room was filled with really broken people that God was redeeming and using for greatness.  Doesn’t it take you back to realize that those whom have much don’t really let God use them the way those in pieces seem to?  I once heard an example of how God’s power and light shines through broken vessels, but is simply hidden inside the seemingly perfect ones.  How precious each story was.  But, here also was an opportunity to be a student.  Many times those willing to come to camp are also those teaching at home.  How refreshing to be the student.  The Bible verse that most hit me was Pslam 46:10. I have heard and read this verse many times.  I pause for a moment, express my frustration to God and then push on.  I am surrounded by people who largely think this verse is a joke. Okay,maybe a pipe dream but certainly not a way of life. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”  After all, aren’t we just supposed to go till exhaustion and then drink a red bull?  Umm… not quite what the verse says.  See most of us, myself included, seem to think that the gospel is about us.  God tells us to be still because rest is a good thing for ME.  But, if you read the whole verse we realize that it is a good thing for God.  See,if I be quiet, it is God whom gets the glory.  If I step back,it is God whom gets the praise.  Not me, God.

There were plenty more camp lessons I need to ponder like the sweetness of little girls singing away the miles sans ipods.  Or God’s protection while they are hanging from a wire soaring through the trees.  Or just the need to live with margins so that when hiking to the lake there is time to stop and breathe deeply of the delicious smells in the flowered bend in the path, and watch the amazing number of butterflies doing the same.  I hope the girls had a good week.  Their leader definitely did.

Skills We Have

Sometimes it takes the space of a year to really see accomplishment. Last year, as this year, I struggled to get to softball games. At one of the first games I did make last year, this lovely redheaded mom came running to me asking "Are you the coach's wife? I have really wanted to meet you." Turns out, they too had a daughter with many of the same issues as L, but no diagnosis (a troubling place to be). We talked quite a bit last summer, and then have run into each over over the winter. Enough for me to feel like her daughter C was making great progress and we were standing still. She was walking, sitting independently. And while we are thrilled for them, it is hard to not be jealous. Sometimes I need to do an emotion check and not unlike the Berenstain Bears book where they become consumed with Bearbie dolls and video games, be reminded to count my blessings. The mom on Table for 12 commented last season "I would be happy to feed Rachel (daughter with CP) for the rest of her life, but I think drinking from a straw would be a really nice skill for her." Ahh, a count my blessings moment. L can't hold the cup, but she can drink from a straw or a regular open mouthed cup. That people, means freedom. I reread my post from August about yes, no,and more. Last night that lovely red head watched L at the ballpark and commented on L's communication and what they would give for that. Keep counting Mama. L is making animal sounds-lots of them. She recognizes and says, pink, purple and yellow. She can pick out almost anything in the books we read,and has definite favorites. She participates in motions with songs like "Happy and you know it". If you can ask enough yes and no questions, you can figure out what she wants. She signs eat, sleep, music, and potty. Yes, she is going to be potty trained. We aren't walking or sitting criss cross or many other things, but a year ago she was barely getting yes and no. Now she crawls to me with her favorite color nail polish and points to her hands. This week, as it stormed outside, she pushed off my shoulder at bedtime and said "thunder, Mama." Yes, baby, just like the Berenstain Bears, it sometimes takes a little thunder to remember how much we have.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

How does your garden grow??

With children sweet….

 

and dirty feet,

And plants in boxes not rows!!

I just love the garden.  I love my morning meetings with earth worms and weeds.  I love the feel and the smell of soft black dirt in my hands, and the daily discovery of something newly sprouted.  Bright berries peek from under leaves, and J blows off the dirt before popping them into his mouth.  He debates with me all the reasons I should NOT plant red sweet corn, only yellow.  L repeats “lello”. J finds her a berry.  B takes over her own box to fill with wildflower seeds, and of course we weed.  We anxiously await the future blueberry and raspberry harvests and vow to find what creature is eating the broccoli.  I delight in finding that Brian has staked my babied heirloom tomatoes brought from Aunt Drue in Bracken county.  Better yet, a scoop of manure form the barn. I think J assumes the dirt piles are just for his truck playing needs.  I wear my funny straw hat from southern states, and L eats grass.  We take pictures like proud parents, squeal at bugs, and plan for the harvest.

This is a few weeks old, this box now looks like a rainforest.

Couldn’t resist the view.

Is there anything sweeter than fresh picked strawberries??

Happy Birthday Brian!

Every body needs a moment of applause now and then for all the things they do that never get noticed. No one else may ever read this, but I know that Brian is my biggest reader and it will mean something to him. I also hope my girls will read it and someday mean something to them.

So here is the message to you all. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world. Never let anyone convince you to settle for less. Brian truly is a godly (not just a formula follower!) leader of our home. He has completely taken Christ's example of servant leadership to heart and works everyday to put it into practice. He works REALLY hard and still finds a way to help with therapy and doctor appointments and all the other craziness that is our life. He is the most selfless person I have ever met. He is patient and kind with me, with our children, and with almost any one else whom he deals. He coaches the girls teams and his parents love him. He reminds kids to have a good time, praises even small accomplishments and will stop a pitch to ask a player to smile. He remembers they are little girls. Despite his own likes and dislikes, he goes to movies filled with princesses and music, keeps up with cheer events and our reading habit. He will take me on a date that includes Starbucks (he doesn't drink it) and browsing through Barnes and Noble for an hour. He sings silly songs on voicemail and dances in the kitchen or jumps on the trampoline. He can make me laugh like no one else and seems to work at, to delight in, finding ways to make me smile. He is quick with compliments. He likes me for who I am and not what others wish I was. There is no one I would rather talk to, laugh with or just be with. Brian, you are amazing and we love you!! Happy Birthday!

As a side note-- My play list is a mix of Brian/Cathy songs. If I could have found "I Want to be Just Like You" from Phillips Craig and Dean (He played this for me on a very early date) and "Ticks" by Brad Paisley, it would be perfect.

Easter 2010

 

Following the Formula

I think the term godly is over used. I hear it applied almost flippantly, "godly girls", "godly guys", "the gorgeous godly women of ........" I look at the group in question,and while they may in deed be nice people, I am usually left wondering if "godly" really means "nice people with cute shoes" or "clean cut guys whom still say Yes Mam." There is nothing wrong with these descriptions, but I don't think it makes people "godly." Some how, I can't imagine Christ teaching that as long as you are basically good, and attend church on a regular basis, you are well on the way to Christlike. Andy Stanley shares in one of his Bible studies, that most Christians replace true faith with a formula "pray, pray, fast, fast, go to church." And, then hope God does what they are asking. We kind of miss that real faith is doing what God asks of us and not the other way around. So, the million dollar question seems to be " If there are so many "godly" people out there, why aren't we asking God what He wants us to do instead of just telling him what we think we need?"

The women's Bible study group I meet with at church is an interesting mix of women. First off, no one in the group was born and raised in our church. For a small congregation in the middle of no where, this is pretty unique. Secondly, everyone in the group has met with some really big life challenges- cancer, death of a child, physical abuse etc. Perhaps because of this, all of us have a pretty long list of bad "advice" given to us by fellow Christians. As a general rule, I think alot of us just make other Christians uncomfortable. Sort of like the story of Job, if God can let that happen to them, what about me? A fellow church member once told me she didn't want to pray for God to direct her because she really liked where she was and was afraid God would want her someplace else. Following the formula. Asking for God's blessing, but not real faith. Honestly, don't I, don't we all, sometimes want to be the good girl with cute shoes instead of struggling to follow in faith?

Somewhere along the way, most Christians seem to have bought into the prosperity gospel or other variations. We want desperately to believe that as long as everything flows easily along, we must be in God's will. After all, God is a parent and don't parents want their children to be happy? Of course we do, but my children would be happiest if I let them watch hours of TV, never wear sunscreen and live on junk food. We want to believe that the people like those in my Bible study suffer because they have issues or (sins) that God is dealing with. Rick Warren points out just the opposite in his book The Purpose Driven Life, "If Satan hasn't been attacking you lately, maybe it is because you aren't a danger." Now there's a thought to chew on.

Lately I am really feeling God pushing me. The usual church view seems to say I stepped out in faith to bring home a child with severe special needs and now God will reward you through her miraculous healing. We pray for this nightly. But, what if God has another plan? What if God is using this to develop my patience, to strengthen my family, to make us unselfish? What if God is more glorified through L's disability than through her healing? What if faith means continuing to follow even when, as with Abram, the path is not clear to me? For a control freak like me, this is a tough one. What if I have to let God drive, and my job is to make the most of the journey?

Being "godly" is hard work. Sometimes letting go is harder than holding on. In the end,"godly" really just comes down to one question "When people see me or you, what do they see first?"

I'm very much a daily work in progress.

When We Grow Up

We seem to have hit a spot, where we have lots of discussions on "when we grow up." I will have.... kind of house, pet, car etc. Two of the most recent struck me as particularly interesting. On the way to Gatlinburg, B and H were telling me how many children they were each going to have and what names they had chosen. B wants 2 boys and a girl; Raymond, Maxwell, and Amanda. H, ever the unique one, wants a boy and a girl; Draco and Gladys. I'll just see how many of you get that one.

Friday, B had a friend spend the night. They were all discussing future jobs and careers. The friend wants to be a marine biologist. B wants to be a clothing and jewelry designer. She talks about this all the time and has even reached the age of planning education etc. H, having not learned how to say no to anything, wants to be an illustrator, help Daddy on the farm, and of course cheer. J could not be left out and kept yelling across the table, "Stop talking and listen to me! I want to be a fireman." Dawn complimented him on his great choice, but J kept going. "Yes, a fireman,or Mater and then I can have a hook coming out of my back. I love those hooks." Umm. Let's see, in 20 years I am going to have the evil twins for grandchildren, but I will be able to get my car towed for free.

Daytona

 

Take cheerleaders to the beach and what do they do????  Spend 6 hours practicing lifts and tosses in the pool unless they are at the beach turning flips!  We had awesome weather for our short trip.  We were very fortunate that the booster mom in charge of finding hotels, got us away from the college spring breakers.  I was really unimpressed with the college scene.  My very sheltered girls have only been to beaches that are not very developed and more like nature reserves.  B was horrified by the cars on the beach, the lack of dunes, and general disrespect for wildlife.  I think we will stick with St. George for family trips, but all in all a great time!

Reach the Beach 2010

  

Good Day

God must know I could take very little more. Yesterday, we had a really good day. L was finally well and smiled and played. It was pretty and the whole crew got to play on the trampoline. We got lots of school done. I feel like a great teacher when I see the love of history B has developed. Of course I feel equally bad when we both cheer at the completion of the chemistry unit ansd set it aside with clear distaste. We just did better.

Today was J's surgery. He did better than expected and has gotton to come home. The big girls are staying with the plan to spend the night away just in case. I finally woke up not already exhausted. As Brian said to day when I could carry on a conversation without coughing " I am glad to have you back." We are blessed to have really great friends look after our kids. H is spending the night with her teacher. Ms. Whittamore is the bomb! Even got a book read while J was in surgery and all took a nap when we got home.

Thanks for prayers. And thank you God for days of rest.

Happy 4th Birthday J and L

 

J and L needed individual cakes this year.  L picked out Elmo all by herself, but wanted Abby Cadabby napkins.  J wanted trucks, but settled for the tractor.

J wanted a big party with friends and a place like Chuck E Cheese.  We got him to compromise on family plus a few at the CLC and rented a bounce house.  It took L awhile to warm up to it, but once she did, we had to get lots of volunteers to keep L jumping.

L blew out her own candles!!

The Search for Normal

Read the following post with a grain of salt. We have just had a rough week between sick kids and a tragic accident between one of our feed truck drivers and a long time member of our church. Eldon will be missed by all. The truck driver is searching for his faith. Please pray for him. I just needed a place to vent.

Years ago I came across the idea of habits and schedules as a way to relieve stress. Emilie Barnes made a career out of teaching people to break household tasks into easy steps and plans that basically took the thought out of each day and made all of these activities a habit. Managers of Their Homes takes this even further. If you have ever seen the brightly colored charts hanging in the Duggar's house, you have met MOTH. MOTH has you schedule yourself and each child in crazy detail. Both are really just using classroom management techniques that have worked for years- playing music to announce cleanup time. Hanging toys on pre marked pegboards. Always sending lunch money in the same folder etc. My latest read, Simple Life, takes yet another look at this. The authors point out that we all have a "normal" setting. The stress and frustration comes when our normal doesn't match our priorities or personal mission statement. They use a wonderful example of Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps has a goal and a vision and makes decisions accordingly. He does not get up every morning stressed out about all he has to do. He gets up, eats like an Olympian, trains like and Olympian and sleeps like an Olympian. He does not seem frustrated because he hasn't also cured cancer and revamped the education system. Come on admit it, some of you like me do a pretty good job of beating ourselves up for not being ultra super woman.

So, what do I do with all of this? We are without a doubt stressed to the max. We keep telling ourselves, it is just for a season, that everyone has moments, but I am tired of our moments. I can't help but think most other people are tired of us too. Everybody wants to feel like they have things hardest or most challenging etc. It's how we deal with the self imposed guilt. But I get sick of just being so needy. We are desperately searching for a new normal and one that fits with our vision and goals, but what if the normal you have can never equal the normal you want?

We have little margin in our lives, but we really are trying to make better decisions. We have given up every outside activity we can for the time. We have Dawn coming every minute she can, but her schedule is also rough this semester. L can't just adjust to another set of hands, so that is not really an option. Sometimes I think we have the same issues as anybody else, we just put them on steroids. Lot of kids have his/her tonsils removed. But, we are dealing with extreme oxygen drops, a huge machine in J's bedroom that delivers the oxygen, and quickly scheduled surgery that means it will be the Wed before H goes to Gatlinburg on Friday and Daytona a week later. We grab scratching and clawing at what we remember of normal and when we fall, still can't seem to wrap our minds around that elusive "new normal". What seems to work best is divide and conquer parenting with Brian going to Gatlinburg with big kids and me going to Daytona. We do this alot and often feel we have given up family unity and support. It breeds alot of "me, me, me"attitudes and resentment towards J and L. It happens everywhere. Because L is pulling out hair and bloodying herself, she tends to get her way in the car. Her movie, her music etc. Angry siblings. I envisioned kids learning to be more compassionate and patient, but once you get bit a few times, you tend to lose desire to help restrain and instead yell, pout and demand you to find L's helmet.

Sometimes that desire for "normal" pushes us to just make bad decisions. Taking L back to Bowling Green after she had already made the trip twice that day. Ridiculous amounts of fast food because it buys a moment of appeasement. Even discussing if J will be well enough to make the Gatlinburg trip. Okay, enough bad day. Sorry, I am on day 4 of an elephant sitting on my chest while I cough and run a fever. I may look back later and realize it was the cough medicine with hydrocodone that was doing the talking here. Where do we go from here? Is there ever a point at which we can look at our life and say "it's not for everyone, but hey it works for us and we are content." Notice I did not say happy, I think they are two different things. I just want to reach a point that like MOTHs or Michael Phelps, I simply move through the day with out feeling like it is an enemy to be conquered.

I have to quit being angry. I have to quit fussing at God. Whatever lesson I am supposed to be learning, I call "Mercy". The teaching method is killing me.

So, what do you do? How do you find a normal that works for all the peoples in your household? Let me sit at your feet and glean wisdom.

January 2010 – the big snow

 

Mama only has so many hands, so we tried out L’s chair in the snow.

I think we need a bigger sled if the whole crew is riding!

What would L do without her partner to keep things interesting!  J described sledding as awesome, but L liked it better in theory or alone with Daddy!  B was very much a lone sledder or a builder in the snow, while H turned flips down the hill.